pour l'amour de l'automne

i don't know how else to describe it; today was just, well, beautiful.

The sun was shining so brightly, and the leaves have gone all technicolor---i knew i had to get out and do something. so, for the first time in what feels like it must have been months, i laced up and went running. this was moderately embarrassing when i realized that the course i had planned on crossed the path of the lausanne marathon (which also happens to have been today) in a couple places. these i carefully avoided, of course. humility is one thing. self [esteem] preservation is another. :) i took it kinda easy to get back into the feel of it, and didn't go very far or very fast, but i kept my heart rate up for a good 35-40 minutes, which i suppose is more the point anyway. my muscles feel quite stiff now; i'm definitely out of practice.

while heading east along the lakeshore, admiring the sun on the water and the leaves in the wind, another slightly strange thing happened. i don't know what it was, but at one point i passed through a rather strong odor, which wasn't even really pleasant, but for some reason, it immediately reminded me very specifically and very strongly of the tidepools near haystack rock, on cannon beach. well, minus a little of the salinity, i suppose, but the force of the association was unbelievable, and only reinforced by the wonderful combination of bright light and 'crisp' fall air---just cold enough to excite the nerve endings in any exposed skin, and make you feel alive, but never harsh or uncomfortable.

in any case, it felt good to be moving again. i _will_ beat this thing, and before i get yelled at by everyone, this time i'm not going to stop eating, so you can relax a bit. i appreciate the concern, a lot even, but now i need a second chance, to try again. if i do more stupid stuff this time, you'll be welcome (and requested) to beat up on me as much as you like, but for now, we're pretending to be optimistic. actually, another cool thing happened recently as well (related to me getting more exercise). while we were in turin, enno saw and pointed out a picture of a boat like the one he uses, and without me mentioning it, suggested that i should come out with him sometime. this is something i've kinda been interested to do since he told me about his team in the spring, but for whatever reason, i didn't feel comfortable asking. well, okay, so the reason was pretty clear; i was afraid that if he said yes it would just be out of courtesy, and that then he'd just be annoyed that he was having to do it... not rational in the least bit, to be sure, but my mind still works this way sometimes, despite my efforts to the contrary. sigh. so many things to work on. i guess this is why they say that life is in the process, not the result. anyway, the unsolicited invitation was an extreme, even if ephemeral, self-worth boost. it felt really good.